Friday, February 5, 2010


So it has nearly been a month since I had addilynn. I have been trying to stay busy so I dont think to much but it seems no matter what I do I always end up thinking about her. I can't help but wounder how she is doing and what is going on with her now and what things may have changed about her. I am going to miss so much of her life and her growing up. It makes me kind of sad to think that her and I will never really ever be that close. Yes I will get to see her every year but we won't ever have that kind of bond you get when you grow up with someone. I am happy though that she has amazing parent right now that love her and are taking great care of her. I just hope that I can hear from them soon.

I have had a few doctors appointments due to complications I had after the pregnancy. Finally everything is looking so much better. I am a little nervous for drill (army reserves) I don't think I can fit into my uniform yet and I am sure my sgt is going to have me do a lot once I get there. I want to lose weight but I am not sure when I am really safe to work out the way I like to. I have to still drop 50 more pounds by june. I hope I can do it, but I did buy some work out videos to help me some. They better work well, I watched some of it and I think it will be kind of fun.

Now I have to try and find a job. Money seems to be such a problem in the world and in life. I want to try and find a job that I will make good pay but will also not want to quite due to lamness. I need to start saving so I can buy a plan ticket next year to fly down to the lower 48 to see addi for her first birthday. I already got a few applications and I hope to have them filled out soon. Life is just getting more and more crazy. And to top it all off I have a guy that I really like that is on his mission. Before he left we were dating for about 4-5 months. Well I think someone told him that I got pregnant before I got the chance to say anything to him. Now things are even more complicated if someone did cause then he wont think i trust him and I am scared to tell him stuff. Life is so crazy once you become an adult. I miss the good old days of childhood when things were simple and easier. The hardest thing was what you were going to eat for lunch/snack. You never worried about money, jobs, school, supporting your self/your family,or how you are going to do it all. I am very greatful for my parents and all they went through to give me everything I ever wanted. They did a good job raising me, I may not listen very well, but they did good. To everyone that is a parent thank you for all your hard work and love and care for your children, you are wounderful. And everyone should also thank their parents for putting up with you and doing all they could to supprt you and give you what you really needed.


  1. I know what you mean about being an adult. I was thinking that at school today. Remeber when the thing we worried about most was rushing to the lunch room to get in line before there was a huge line?? I'm so proud of you, I'm literally tearing up. You're such an inspiration! We love you so much and we're always praying for and thinking of you. You are such a great mother and an amazing woman.

  2. Oh Brittani. Being a grown up can be super lame, but it does have some perks! ;) In the words of the wise Julia Jacobson "You're doing WAY better than you think you are!" :)I can't believe how strong you are and I honestly think you're doing better than you even know! Keep your chin up, it's got to get better. Love ya!

  3. Kay... So I am feeling lame. We need to talk to you soon!!! Things have just been so busy! It's like I need to schedule time to pee between washing bottles and changing diapers. Addi is doing great and growing. I am pretty sure she is at or close to 8 pounds. Her 0-3 stuff is still big on her but it doesn't look like she is swimming in it like she use to. She loves to look in the mirror and at lights, which scares me a little because I don't want her to go blind, lol... Her hair is not falling out yet even though people keep telling me it will. She is finally starting to grow a pair of eye brows and her eye lashes are coming in a little more. They are super faint but they are there! Sleep is kind of haphazard. When she is tired she sleeps and when she is awake she doesn't, but we totally love it when she feels tired at night, however I do enjoy a good 2 hour nap during the day too if she feels so inclined. Of course we love it when she is awake too!!! Everyone says she is so alert when she is awake and big bright eyes (which are brown now btw... lol). When she is awake and alert she LOVES to be sat up and hold her head up. People ask, "Are you sure she is less than a month old?!?" She is so strong. She pulled (literally) a Mae Mae the other day. Daren was sitting with his knees up on the bed and Addi was lying against them with her legs stretched out holding on to Daren's fingers. SHE TOTALLY PULLED HER SELF UP TO A STAND AND HELD IT!!! She is so strong. Well we need to set up a skype date for tomorrow or something... We have our Friend baby shower tonight... Addi is spoiled rotten lol. We love you!!!

  4. Hi Brittani, I'm so glad to find out you have a blog. I've been following baby Addi's story through D & S's blog since they found out you chose them. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings about Addi's placement. Would you mind if I put a link to your blog from ours? I feel like seeing a birth mother's perspective on adoption is very helpful to anyone involved in adoption.