v-day/groups

Well as everyone knows Sunday was Valentin's day. I agree with one of my friends it is known as singles awareness day. LOL. Let's just say I didn't have the best Day that day. I did have fun going to church and seeing friends.But there was either to much love coming from the couples that are getting ready to get married before next year or hostility from the single people. Then it doesn't help when it is supposed to be a day about caring and there are people that start to argue around. And when no matter where you go, school, church, or just hanging out around the mall or what ever, you can see how people have their own little, groups, gangs, clubs, ect. It drives me nuts that people are still doing this ALL OVER. I don't like it when people have their own little clicks and only hang out with only certain people. It drove me nuts in high school and it still does to this day, and I am kind of surprised to see it at church. Were are supposed to be about helping everyone and being together yata yata, then why do I see every Sunday at munch and mingle the same people at the same tables with the same other people. you have your populars, outsiders, crazies, jocks, ect. Just like high school. I never picked a group then and I still don't really now. I have the people that know me better then the others but I try to talk to other people but it is hard when you get those looks, and when you feel like you are always being judged. And as hard as it may seem to believe I tend to be shy and keep to myself. It took me so long to becoming more outgoing and be more open to meeting people i don't know and it still is for me. I like having friends but most of the time I feel like some of them are fake friends. I am sorry if any of you that read this disagree with me, but this is what I see all the time everyday and I honestly am a little annoyed with it.

rambling

So it has nearly been a month since I had addilynn. I have been trying to stay busy so I dont think to much but it seems no matter what I do I always end up thinking about her. I can't help but wounder how she is doing and what is going on with her now and what things may have changed about her. I am going to miss so much of her life and her growing up. It makes me kind of sad to think that her and I will never really ever be that close. Yes I will get to see her every year but we won't ever have that kind of bond you get when you grow up with someone. I am happy though that she has amazing parent right now that love her and are taking great care of her. I just hope that I can hear from them soon.

I have had a few doctors appointments due to complications I had after the pregnancy. Finally everything is looking so much better. I am a little nervous for drill (army reserves) I don't think I can fit into my uniform yet and I am sure my sgt is going to have me do a lot once I get there. I want to lose weight but I am not sure when I am really safe to work out the way I like to. I have to still drop 50 more pounds by june. I hope I can do it, but I did buy some work out videos to help me some. They better work well, I watched some of it and I think it will be kind of fun.

Now I have to try and find a job. Money seems to be such a problem in the world and in life. I want to try and find a job that I will make good pay but will also not want to quite due to lamness. I need to start saving so I can buy a plan ticket next year to fly down to the lower 48 to see addi for her first birthday. I already got a few applications and I hope to have them filled out soon. Life is just getting more and more crazy. And to top it all off I have a guy that I really like that is on his mission. Before he left we were dating for about 4-5 months. Well I think someone told him that I got pregnant before I got the chance to say anything to him. Now things are even more complicated if someone did cause then he wont think i trust him and I am scared to tell him stuff. Life is so crazy once you become an adult. I miss the good old days of childhood when things were simple and easier. The hardest thing was what you were going to eat for lunch/snack. You never worried about money, jobs, school, supporting your self/your family,or how you are going to do it all. I am very greatful for my parents and all they went through to give me everything I ever wanted. They did a good job raising me, I may not listen very well, but they did good. To everyone that is a parent thank you for all your hard work and love and care for your children, you are wounderful. And everyone should also thank their parents for putting up with you and doing all they could to supprt you and give you what you really needed.